Free Web Hosting Provider - Web Hosting - E-commerce - High Speed Internet - Free Web Page
Search the Web


Home Back Pages Illustrations Author Interview Netshow Links
WebCam! CamGallery Way Backpages What is a Backpage? Kibbles and Bits

August, 2001


Friday, August 3 2001

I'm a little bit over-extended again. My philosophy of living life to the fullest extent possible seems to keep my calendar teetering on the brink of disaster! The weekend approaching is my only unstructured weekend for month. Unstructured, but busy, getting ready for all the events to come.

The next weekend I'll be in Monterey, but officiating a motor race at Laguna Seca Raceway full time. The nice thing there is that I love doing it, and I get paid for it!

The weekend following, my job is sending me to Reno, Nevada. I'm there to represent our school at the 2001 Tailhook convention. Before you cringe at the irony of gay little Rob being sent to the biggest gathering of notorious skirt-chasers this side of the women's lib movement, there's more! The same weekend I'm there with all the Naval Aviators of Tailhook, Reno is celebrating Pride! The culture clash has me grinning from ear to ear. I just love stuff like that. I'll participate in both events. Typical me. I couldn't stick to just one identity group in high school, and I still can't.

The last full weekend in August, I'll be climbing Mt. Baker in Washington State. I have not climbed a technical mountain (requiring ropes etc.) since my success on Mt. Rainier a year ago. Mt. Baker is a smaller mountain than Rainier, and therefore less challenging in terms of endurance and dealing with thin air, but I'm going to use the climb as a technical warm-up and refresher for a much bigger mountain I have designs on climbing in November. I do plenty of physical training here at home, but you can't simulate risk. Mt. Baker's gaping late-season crevasses will serve up plenty that!

Most people reading my journal have at least some basic knowledge of computers. One essential fact you readers should definitely know about them is that there are only two kinds of hard drives; those that have crashed, and those that are going to crash. The main system disk on my home PC is no longer going to crash. I was up until 3:30 last night with a new hard drive, partitioning, formatting, installing, and configuring. Then I made a tiny little driver mistake that forced me all the way back to the formatting stage again. I decided that being sleepy is what brought on the stupid mistake, so rather than continue working, I went to sleep. I'll try to bring back my home PC (named Rigel) as a Windows ME machine this weekend.

During the dearth of journaling that seems to happen during the Summer months among those I visit regularly, I decided to shop around for some new perspectives. Now, my old time friends from back in the day, please don't think I'm forsaking you. Your place in my Favorite's list is assured. You will simply be joined there by a few new writers who have come to my attention.

My modus operandi in the search for new and interesting journalers has been to follow guest book entries and web-rings. It is just plain amazing how many online journals have popped into existence in the last 12 months! A lot of them are quiet good. The trouble is, I don't have all day to read every single one of them. So how do I select which star journals I'm going to follow regularly, which journals are dogs never to be looked at again, and which modest journals deserve an occasional glance?

First impressions count. Several points strike me immediately; how well a page is designed, how quickly it loads, how well the color scheme enhances its readability. Next, I want to get to know the writer from a quick sketch or bio page. At risk of appearing shallow, I'd like to add that pictures of the writer and the writer's environs help this process along. I'm not shopping for a drop-dead gorgeous writer, that's not really important, but you can infer a lot about someone's life simply by seeing pictures of him or her living it.

The kind of person who's journal I enjoy reading right now, is usually, like me, a gay guy who is seeking something bigger in his life. I don't have very many gay friends in my life, and reading about other gay guys on a routine basis seems to help keep me from feeling isolated. But, it is the seeking characteristic in people that fascinates me. I'm not interested in reading the day-to-day tedium of someone's workday and what he watched on TV that night. Journalers that attract my attention have change, conflict, potential, and growth in their lives.

I look for good writing. Amplifying images support a web journal, but the essence of the site is the text (in most cases). I love words and language. Journalers who write with creative technical skill get my attention, and those who have trouble using the language well also have trouble keeping my focus.

Lastly, I want to make friends. I don't have to agree with the opinions of other journalers ( Mickey and I don't see eye to eye on many things - it just makes him a more interesting friend to me!), but I want to able to get along with them and share an electronic interaction. For me, a journal isn't just passive reading, like a book. It is an individual's personal thoughts shared with me and other readers. I can't read a good journal and not think of the journaler as a friend. If the writer doesn't like me back, or at least respect my involvement in their on-line journal as a reader, then I probably won't stick with their site long.

And so readers, don't forget I'd also like to hear from you sometimes. Please share an opinion, tell me I'm wrong, tell me I'm crazy, tell me you love me - write what ever you feel like saying. Remember that I am not just a series of bytes on your monitor. I exist! What I write here is my reality, not an interesting fiction composed for your entertainment. And I suppose that is the most important thing I'm looking for in any journal I read too - honest reality.

Monday, August 6 2001


It was a busy weekend at home, mostly alone. When he works, my boyfriend Brent puts in 12-hour days. This was a work weekend for him, so there wasn't much point in going over to his house to see him. He's usually pretty tired by the end of a shift. I had dinner and stayed the night with him on Friday, then went home Saturday morning to start the weekend on my own.

The first half of Saturday, I spent with a few of the ski guides at the ski shop I volunteer for. Yup, you read that correctly, it's already time to start preparing for the 01/02 Winter season. We inventoried all the equipment and prepared an order for replacement gear such as paper towels, first aid kits, radio batteries, emergency road flares, tire chains, trash bags, etc. Only a few minutes into the inventory, we made a horrifying discovery - we were covered in fleas!

I was wearing light-colored cords against which a dozen or so fleas showed up very clearly on each leg. Disgusting!! All afternoon we flicked fleas away. The problem was that a troupe of raccoons decided to move into the storage lockers and crawl spaces of the shop. Their fleas had moved into the carpet. Icky, icky, icky. The Outdoor Recreation Program Manager promised to get the place fumigated before we come in again. The pity of it all is that I really like raccoons.

The second half of my Saturday alone, and well into the small hours of Sunday, I spent working on my PC. The native driver support for Windows ME is a bit sparse. I had a lot of downloading to do before my sound board, video board, 3-d graphics board, printer, and scanner could run. Then I needed to install the Office Suite, FrontPage, PhotoShop, ICQ, AOL6.0, MIRC, and my favorite games. When I went to bed at 3:00 a.m. the games still hadn't been installed.

As you might guess, I woke up late on Sunday. Like almost Noon late. I fiddled around on the PC a little more while getting my coffee quotient up to tolerable levels, then packed my backpack for a training hike. I collect empty bottles of Ocean Spray and Gatorade to fill with water and stuff in my pack. It's not for drinking; it's for training weight. The advantage to water as ballast is that it is quite easily dumped in emergencies. I carry 60 lbs of it in my pack (I've weighed it to find out how many bottles I need to get the desired weight). 60 lbs simulates a full climbing pack.

I used to be a purist about nature when I went on training hikes. That is to say, I used to want to hear the sounds of the forest and enjoy the relative silence. After hiking the same training routes weekly for a year or two, they have become, well, boring. I've added a portable CD player to my training checklist and now I trudge happily up the hills in time with the music - singing along aloud!

Since I'm wearing headphones without a loop-back to my voice, I can only imagine the wretched sounds coming out of my lungs that other people on the trail must endure when they sneak up to me before I notice them. The horror! The horror! I stop singing when I see them, so they won't think I'm a complete crackpot. Despite my off-key antics, I enjoy singing and it makes the workout more aerobic by controlling my breathing. I love music, and it certainly makes training hikes more fun. This weekend my selections were Blink 182 and Big Country Pure Rob! You might not find another guy on Earth that loves both bands, much less a gay one. I told you last week I tend to defy social frontiers, now didn't I?

After suffering the slings and arrows of fleas (ski shop) and tics (hiking), not to mention after being caked in sweat and dust, I was ready for a nice, long shower. While the water was warming up, I logged on for email (there was nothing but spam - grrrr!) and quickly said hello to a new e-pal, Ricky, who happened to be on line. I got all nice and squeaky clean in the shower, then I was on my to Brent's house to meet him when he got home from work.

I was tired from my hike, and Brent was tired from 12 hours of working on his feet. It was decided a quiet evening at home with nothing stressful was in order. We both agreed that we didn't have the attention span required to sit through a dramatic movie. Instead, we snuggled up together and listened to a new DVD that he bought for me, The Three Tenors. I had squirreled away a bottle of champagne in Brent's fridge that was just perfect for the occasion. The music was beautiful. I was content and safe, all piled on my boyfriend. The wine added a delicious, soft and warm glow to the mood. Sigh. Is there anything better for the soul than a tough tromp in the hills, followed by quiet time relaxing with your boyfriend? If there is, I didn't care about it one jot on Sunday night.

Thursday, August 16 2001


Dateline - Reno, Nevada.

It is not so surprising that I am at the 2001 Annual Reunion of the Tailhook Association as it surprising that there is a 2001 Annual Reunion of the Tailhook Association at all. Eleven years ago, the name Tailhook became synonymous with binge drinking, sexual harassment, and the wildest partying this side of Mardi Gras. The lawsuits brought by a group of women who were sexually harassed at the event resulted in many officer's stripes coming off faster than a prom dress. Admirals and fighter jocks alike were brought before the Tailhook board of inquiry and summarily dismissed from the Naval service. No one expected the association to survive.

In 1990, when the scandal occurred, Tailhook was held in Vegas. It was a reunion where generations of carrier pilots of the past mixed with active Navy pilots. Jet jockeys from squadrons and bases all over the country flew in to attend the enormous party. It was a lost weekend on the extravagant scale of an aircraft carrier - big and noisy. It was the perfect environment for men accustomed to living a fast and risky lifestyle to celebrate themselves. Then scandal came and the whole beautiful thing was shot down in flames. The era of aggressive drinking and even more aggressive skirt chasing came to an undignified end.

In order to survive, just like the new generation of combat aircraft, Tailhook has become stealthy. The convention has moved out of the bright lights of Las Vegas and into a less visible desert watering hole, Reno. Active duty squadrons no longer plan their calendars around getting pilots to the big party, but they still come. The old timers are still here too, never to miss their annual opportunity to celebrate their past potency and to remember the days when their reaction times and waistlines both were smaller. The defense contractors are creeping back too. Tailhook is still a good place to influence the carrier aviation community if you'd like to sell an airplane or two.

The convention hall floor opened quietly enough this morning. A mix of young marketing experts from major defense contractors mingled with old time aviators hawking squadron patches and logo polo shirts. In the first hours the exhibitors were exhibiting to themselves, snatching up all the latest promotional gifts before the weekend crowd depletes the supplies. The premiere prize of the morning was a yo-yo which lights up while it spins. Is this the stuff of the legendary Tailhook convention? Yo-yos, geeks and geezers?

The first early signs of the gathering's true nature were subtle, but my educated eye could spot them. A group of young men in casual clothes were assembled at the long end of a convention hall folding table. Their fit bodies, neatly tucked shirts, and short-cropped hair hinted at their profession. The fact that not one of them wore glasses confirmed it; they were Navy fighter jocks. The table the stood near would soon serve as a makeshift aircraft carrier. A laptop PC carefully placed on the side of the table was the ship's island, where the bridge and control tower rise above the flight deck. The young pilots began to take turns, carefully tossing a toy balsa airplane onto the table, trying to score the perfect carrier landing. About that same time a booth opened in the hall, giving away tall glasses of free beer. It was 11:00 a.m.

At 6:00 p.m. cash bars materialized into the hall. They were not obtrusive, but were plentiful enough that it was impossible for the guests to be in the room and be more than a 15-second walk from one. At the same time, more pilots appeared wearing their drab green flight suits. The workday had evidently finished at nearby Fallon Air Station, where the famous Top Gun school is located. Steely-eyed fighter pilots in flight suits look good. A flight suit can show off a nice butt better than a pair of country-and-western jeans. It was getting difficult to concentrate. My eyes continually scanned the floor, locking on target for a while, then moving to the next.

At 7:00 p.m. I succumbed. The free beer was too attractive to pass up.

Saturday, August 19 2001


Dateline - Reno, Nevada.

Free beer on an empty stomach is a sure-fire recipe for disaster. When I gave in to temptation on Thursday night, it quickly lead me to the craps table where it was no longer just beer that was free, but gin, whiskey, and everything else I could drink. The dice rolled, the room spun, everyone was having fun.

Friday wasn't as fun. The convention rolled on, lectures on aviation safety, squadron reunions for old timers, brand new Ensigns stocking up their squadron's suite for the next night of parties. Meanwhile, I had lost the will to live. I put on a good act, smiling and chatting with pilots while secretly wishing I were dead, or at that I hadn't had such a fun time the night before. All pilots know what goes up, must come down. My body spent most of Friday in the crash and burn phase.

More and more pilots appeared on late Friday afternoon, as I nursed my recovery along with ginseng tea. In the elevators there were hand written signs tapped to the walls advertising party suites and inviting people, especially women, to attend the evening's festivities. I only briefly considered going to one of the parties before the mere idea of alcohol turned my stomach.

While the Friday night of Tailhook raged on all through the building around, I slept, and felt much better in the morning. When I arrived in the convention hall this morning, it was clear that I was out of synch with the ebb and flow of the meeting. I was clear headed, ready to go, and no one was there. The majority of participants were doubtless in bed, sleeping off the Friday night. Now, mid-day in the convention hall, a few people are starting to appear. With cocktails. After all, the Tailhook Banquet is tonight!

Thursday, August 30th 2001


Flashback to Aug 20-22nd.

I escaped Reno without attending the Tailhook Banquet. It would have been far too much for my system to absorb at the time. Instead, I spent some of the evening at the poolside, then I retired to my room for an early night's sleep. The next morning, I left Reno by 7:00 a.m. and drove to Kirkwood Ski area in the Sierra Nevada. I spent a few hours hiking with my training pack up to 9,000 ft. I figured it was good training and acclimatization for my upcoming climb of Mt. Baker.

Monday and Tuesday (Aug 20 and 21) passed quickly. I had a lot of catch up work to do in the office, and spent the evenings with Brent reading on the couch while I organized all my climbing gear for my trip to the Northwest. Tuesday evening I took my Mom and Dad to dinner for my Mom's birthday. It went OK, although that is still a strained relationship.

Wednesday was a half-day at work, cut short by the fire alarm at noon. Rather than hang around and wait for the fire people to do whatever they were doing, I simply grabbed everything I needed to go on vacation and left the office for the week.

I spent a few hours packing frantically at home, then at 4:00 p.m. my Dad came over to my apartment and picked me up to take me to the airport. Mom was in the car too, so naturally there had to be more hugs and drama at the airport. I think Mom was consciously thinking that this might be the last time she'd ever see me alive. It is beyond me how much she can resent her gay son, yet cherish him with such intensity at the same time.

When I checked in for my flight to Seattle via San Francisco, the gate agent said my flight to SF was delayed at least an hour and the connecting flight to Seattle might get cancelled. There was a chance I'd end up stuck sleeping in SFO overnight! Scamp (the bear) didn't like the sound of that at all. I agreed with him, thinking it wouldn't be safe to travel with a grumpy bear the next day and that my friend Matt in Seattle would wonder where his scheduled houseguest was.

Rather than deal with all the problems in San Francisco, I caught the first flight out of Monterey to Los Angeles, where there was a direct flight leaving on time for Seattle. Yes, I went 300 miles south to go 600 miles north! The weather in Seattle was stormy, and the flight was a little late getting in. By the time I picked up my rental car and drove into the city where Matt lives, it was just after midnight. I had to wake him up with a cell phone call to let me in when I arrived. I felt like a terrible houseguest. After all, I was supposed to arrive around 8:00 p.m. so we could have dinner together. At least I had warned him that I'd be arriving very late and he had the sense to get some sleep rather than wait up for me. He looked very cute wearing a robe with his hair all tousled when he came to the door. I have no idea why some lucky guy hasn't yet snatched Matt. He's a very sweet guy, educated, cute, and has a great job. Come on Seattle, what are you waiting for?

The next morning, I chatted with Matt for a few minutes while he got ready to go to work at Microsoft, then I jumped in the shower myself after he had said his goodbyes and left for work. Matt has a cool mirror in his shower that doesn't fog up, so for the first time, I shaved in the shower. It was a nice luxury! I dressed (for rain), then borrowed Matt's state-of-the-art PC (Windows XP RC-1!) to send a few last minute emails before dropping off the Internet for five days.

I arrived downtown at the foot of Mercer Street near Seattle Center at lunchtime. I ate a quick Thai lunch at Racha Restaurant, then crossed the street to the offices of Alpine Ascents International, my Mountaineering Agency. My huge black duffle bag was a haul up the steep staircase to Alpine Ascents' gear room where, in a half an hour, our climbing team would do a complete gear check and inventory.

I arrived early so I could say hi to a few of the mountain guides I'd climbed with in the past, and fill out some paperwork and pay for an expedition I'd be participating in this Fall. I also met Lhakpa Sherpa, who works for Alpine Ascents and has climbed Mt. Everest five times. Other climbers for our Mt. Baker group began to filter in, as did Ross and Matt (not to be confused with Microsoft Matt), who would be our group guides on Mt. Baker this week.

I got to meet and know my fellow climbers on the trip during the next two hours, while we sorted our climbing equipment. The floor was littered with tents, packs, fuel bottles, outdoor clothes, helmets, headlamps, camping food, boots, ropes and crampons. Matt said, "Look at it all! Hundreds of pounds of the lightest gear on Earth!"

When the gear check was completed I found myself lacking one item - a Forest Service permit to climb the mountain. This I had to drive a short distance up the hill to the REI flagship store to obtain. (How the heck does REI manage to employ so many drop-dead-gorgeous bois?) With my permit ready, I had one last, unpleasant chore remaining in Seattle. I had plans to join Mickey and Brian for dinner, but based on the climbing schedule I was briefed on at Alpine Ascents waiting around in Seattle for dinner no longer seemed like a prudent idea.

I had to call Mickey and to see if he'd let me out of my commitment and the only opportunity we had to spend some time together on the trip. He was obviously disappointed, but didn't insist I stick around. I felt like a flake, but my top priority on this trip was standing on the summit of Mt. Baker. The several hours of sleep that staying in town would cost me would carry over through the entire climb and possibly jeopardize my summit attempt. As it was, the traffic leaving Seattle to my motel in Mt. Vernon was terrible. I didn't get myself Rob on Mt. Baker, Easton Glacier, Aug 25th 2001 there, organized, fed and into bed until almost 10:00 p.m. Considering I needed to be up at 4:30 to get to the trailhead on time, I think leaving Seattle early was the right decision. It would have been nice to see Mickey and meet Brian, but sometimes you can't have it all.

I am working on a separate Website to document my mountain climbing activities. At this point, I'm not sure whether or not I'll place an entry here covering the three days I spent on Mt. Baker. If not, I'll certainly link to the mountaineering page so that those of you interested in such things can read about it, and those of you that would be bored to tears reading about a glorified camping trip can skip it over.

For the record, I'll say that it was a fun climb; difficult, scary, demanding, beautiful, joyful, and humorous. I stood on the summit of Mt. Baker (10,770 ft.) at 9:30 a.m. on August 26th.