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December, 2001I've got a chronic cough. The back of my throat has this little tickle in it which won't go away. It started when I was in Mexico last month. I'm coughing so much it is starting to irritate the area where I had hernia surgery a couple of years ago, from the inside out.
Me and my cough went up to Lake Tahoe to train 20 new tour guides this weekend. The newbies were all young, 18-22, but they didn't make me feel too old. They liked my music and couldn't keep up with me partying at night and working hard during the day. They had the partying thing down OK, but they didn't do as well getting up early after a late night out and then getting a lot of work done in appalling weather prior to another night of drinking and revelry.
In all, the newbies all did a very good job and learned a lot in adverse conditions. It was a very bitter and stormy weekend up there. It took nine hours to get out of the mountains in white-out conditions. Normally, it is a five hour drive. This time we just couldn't see and had to creep down the mountain at five miles an hour.
Brent was waiting for me at my apartment when I got home. He was sleepily watching the MTV awards. He had some hot cookies ready for me that he had baked in my kitchen. He's soooo sweet when he's sleepy and offering cookies. After we went to bed, I got really sleepy (from out-partying the 18 year olds) and Brent caught his second wind. He kept me up for an hour before letting me go to sleep. =8-)
Wednesday, December 5th 2001
Back in 1998, when I first started training for mountain climbing, I suffered a hernia and had to have it surgically repaired. That sucked. Now, all this coughing I'm doing feels like it has blown out my hernia again. I feel a sharp burning pain and a weird, squishy sensation inside. It is quite uncomfortable. I'm getting worried. I've made an appointment to see the Dr. this afternoon.
I really hope he tells me he can cure the cough and the hernia thing will settle down on its own. I don't want to do surgery again. I hate that. Plus, it would mess up all my travel plans to Seattle with Brent. Grrrrr!
Another thing I really fear is that the Dr. will tell me not to go mountain climbing again. First doctors told me that my body wasn't good enough to be a pilot and an astronaut and ruined my life. So, I found mountaineering as something I could do to achieve high, difficult goals. Now, I'm worried the doctors are going to take that away too.
This sucks.
Saturday, December 9th 2001
I've got two favorite cities on the West Coast; San Diego and Seattle (Happy Birthday Robb! It's not so bad being old. You feel pretty much the same, you just remember more stuff.) Today, I'm in San Diego. I'll be in Seattle one week from now. Yay! Life is good.
Well, it's mostly good. The docs told me that my hernia hadn't reappeared yet. I still think it has and it's just to minor for them to detect yet. The surgeon said to take the medicine I got to stop caughing so I don't agrivate it, and to take ibuprofin for the pain. If it doesn't go away in a few weeks, I'm supposed to see him again. Yay! A strange man poking around my testicles yet again. *rolls eyes*
So, I'm in San Diego this weekend and next week for a conference. It's hot here, not very Christmassy. It was 89 degrees and sunny while driving through LA yesterday! Still, I love SD. It is one of the few big cities I could (and have) enjoyed living in. Like Seattle, its filled with cute bois, including one named Justin, whom I had dinner with last night.
I've known Justin via internet for years, since he started his online journal while he was living in Boston. We've exchanged email occasionally since then. The dinner had a little of that first-time IRL awkwardness, but I enjoyed it. It was fun to watch him interact with his current interest, Jay. They are a good, if disparate match.
Tuesday, December 11th 2001
Have you ever heard of a personal constitution? The closing general session speaker at my conference today said I should write one. He wasn't speaking to me specifically, but to the audience of several hundred alumni relations people. His name was Hirum Somethingorother and he's written several popular inspirational books, his latest called "What Matters Most."
The idea of a personal constitution came from Ben Franklin, apparantly. (I don't always take every word inspirational speakers say as 100% fact.) Franklin, said Hirum, felt like a failure at about my age, so he wrote down the 12 principles that he thought should guide his life, then amplified each principle with a descriptive paragraph. Franklin then ranked the 12 principles so that he could apply the most important one when they came in direct conflict with each other. Finally, he assigned one principal to each week of the year, in a repeating cycle, and tried to emphasize that week's principle as much as possible, so that they all got even attention.
It's an interesting idea. I might try it later tonight, write something like that. It seemed to work for old Ben. He did a lot of a-mazing stuff when he became older. I'd like to do that when I get old too.
Other than the conference, I did some Christmas shopping today at Horton Plaza. I was thinking of calling Justin for dinner again tonight, but I think I'd rather eat alone and reflect on that whole personal constitution thing. I'll try to take Justin out when I come back to San Diego in January.
Speaking of web based friends, I think I made a new one today. I don't know why I enjoy meeting new friends so much, but I sure do. I've made at least 5 new acquaintances since I started using Live Journal! For some reason, I think this new one is going to be a good friend. Of course, I thought the same might happen with Branden at my school last month, and it never did. But I'm an eternal optimist. I'd never let a little thing like harsh reality get in my way.
Reality is for pragmatists and I say the heck with it.
Thursday, December 13th 2001
The new piccy is me, on my 11th Christmas! I love Christmas, but I know that children have a greater capacity to enjoy the holiday than adults, at least in some respects. I try to keep the 10 year old boy in me happy and excited about Christmas every year, so I think this pic best represents my frame of mind around now.
Home from San Diego, I'm in my office late tonight, making up for all that lost time while at the conference and for the time I'm going to loose on Monday while playing around in Seattle. I feel a bit like Bob Cratchet having to here stay so late, what with the Christmas party going on out in the lobby down the hall and all. Well, not to worry. I'll be on my way home as soon as I finish this LJ update. Oh, and it's not that cold in my office.
I ordered tix to see Harry Potter with Brent at the Seattle Cinerama this weekend. Yay! Both B and love the Harry Potter books. I gave Brent the complete hardbound series for Christmas last year. Well, at least the ones that existed at the time. I also got him a wand and some HP glasses that all kind of went together in a gift arrangement. Anyways, we're going to enjoy the movie, I'm sure. And it will be great to see it on a *big* movie screen, instead of the little rinky-dink screens we have here in this sleepy little backwater upscale resort town.
Oh, BTW, Brent has his goatee thingy fully grown in now. With his hair the way it is, he looks just like George Lucas. It's actually quite handsome and all, but it's still not the look I want my bf to have. Oh, well. Not my call.
My 'lil medical problem was OK today. Only a little discomfort every now and again. I'm entertaining just a little hope that it won't need treatment now. Of course, I'm coddling it by not doing anything physical, and that can't continue forever. In fact, I'm going to go run and exercise again starting next week no matter what. If it still hurts, then I'll just have to go back to the docs and make them fix it again.
Tuesday, December 18th 2001
The creative force behind one of my all-time favorite rock bands
killed himself Big Country, one of the best bands to come out of Scotland, has rocked on the edge of stardom for two decades. Their music should have taken them much higher. I first heard them in high school when they broke on the American scene with "In A Big Country". I've been a loyal fan ever since, and was privileged to see them in concert in 1995.
Of course I mourned the loss of George Harrison earlier this month, but the news of Stuart's death hits me harder. In all honesty, the Beatles were far more significant in the history of western culture. I consider myself a big Beatles fan too. But I never knew them as a going concern, only as a historical fact.
Big Country were one of *my* bands. Not many other people knew about them, and they were damned good. At the concert I went to, I was right up front, I rested my beer on Stuart's foldback speaker, and I shook his hand at the end of the show.
Well, now it's permanently the end of the show, and no one was there to shake Stuart's hand and say thank you. Suicide, in most cases, is a tragic and preventable cause of death. Stuart Adamson brought a lot of joy into my life, and will continue to do so as his music lives on. I wish I could have been there for him this weekend and share that thought with him. Maybe it would have brought him back from whatever miserable place his state of mind wandered to.
My brother flies in today from Colorado for the holidays. He'll be staying at my parents' house, so it's not a big effort for me, but I'll have to take plenty of time with the family this week.
It's always uncomfortable for me when the whole family is there. I feel alienated and incomplete with my family because I'm gay, they know it, but they don't want to acknowledge it. Even worse, my Mom thinks my brother and I are still 9 and 12, or at least she acts as if she did. She judges our behavior by the standards that you would expect of 9 and 12 year olds. Naturally, 12 year old boys shouldn't be living on their own and shouldn't have boyfriends. I get judged rather harshly. My brother will do better, because 9 year old boys should live with their mothers and that's exactly what he'll be doing for the next week. He'll even have to ask permission to borrow a car and let Mom and Dad know when he's coming back. Oh, bother!
The weather has been very wild here today. It's been chilly all day, with heavy thundershowers and hail. We don't often get weather like this, so it's definitely making news! I think it's bad enough it might delay my bro's airplane a little.
Like a tidal wave washing out a city, my life has been consumed by the holidays. Last night, I was up late with friends sharing a small christmas party. Today I spent finishing up my Christmas shopping and beginging the wrapping. This evening, I went to my parents house for dinner with the fam, and then I showed my brother a movie, "The Lathe of Heaven". It's an old PBS movie based on a wonderful Taoist science fiction story by Ursula LeGuin. The movie is dated in its appearance, but has a very timely and worthy message.
I'm going to tuck into bed right after this update. I'm feeling a little achy and feverish. I think I might be coming down with something. Grrrrrr! Just in time for Christmas.
Merry Christmas to everyone out there in journal-land that reads my pages. Consider this message a warm hug for each of you who take the time to share in my thoughts, and share your thoughts with me. Christmas is often about "family" and to me, my friends are sometimes a more important form of family. Afterall, friends earn their friendship, they don't inhearit it by blood. So I'm thinking of all of you as family today.
My mother, father, brother, and I went to mass at the basillica yesterday evening, then home for a tradtional champaigne toast by the fire. After the bottle was wrung out, we moved to the dining room for a light supper of fresh cracked crab, sourdough bread, and salad with a bright sauvignon blanc. Later in the evening, we each opened one gift from under the tree, to whet our appetites for Christmas morning.
To make my Mom happy, I stayed the night at their house. She had her entire immidately family under one roof for the night. Christmas morning dawned sunny and warm here. I got up early so I could leave a secret message for Brent (family doesn't know about him yet) on his phone and then made some coffee, put on a log in the fireplace, and turned on the tree lights. When my brother woke up, we made a quick 'santa' visit to stock up Mom and Dad's christmas stockings hung over the fireplace.
We had a family breakfast after raiding the christmas stockings, then, got to the fun part of unwrapping presents from under the tree. I gave my brother a Beatles callendar, a toy Lotus Esprit, and a new Paul McCartney DVD. I gave my Mom a tea chest and a special plate I bought for her in Mexico last month. I gave my Dad a fancy wooden wine box and a very special bottle of Syrah inside of it. The holiday was very good to me as well, I acquired a new calendar, several DVDs, a big bottle of Bailey's, some nice new pants and shirts, and a new alarm clock.
I did Christmas with Brent on Christmas eve morning. For him, I bought a fancy rotating rocket tea kettle just like the one we love on the Alton Brown cooking show. I also got him a Harry Potter callendar and a rocket lamp for the kitchen to match the kettle. Brent got me a book about different breeds of dogs, to help us choose one together later on, a Scooby Doo clock that's really cute, and a LOTR wine goblet. He also got me a very cool tea making set (he knows I love good tea) with two sample sets of fine teas! I'm always impressed by good eats, and high quality tea definately counts.
Did you notice something decisive about this entry? My family Christmas and my christmas with my significant other were segregated. Separate, but equal. While I'm having my family Christmas, he's having his too. I would like to see the day come soon that Brent is included in my family and I am included in his. That's the sort of thing that can't be a Christmas present, but would make for a very happy Christmas holiday indeed.
I finally caught up with my boyfriend around 10:00 p.m. last night. It was nice to hear his voice on the phone after a full day of phone tag. I kept having to sneak out of my 'rents house to try to call him, so they wouldn't ask difficult questions about who I was talking to. I decided some time ago if they ever ask about a boyfriend, I'm going to tell them. I wanted to avoid that particular revelation over the Christmas holidays, hence all my sneaking about.
Brent and I only had a few minutes to talk, before I had to go back inside where the family was watching a video I rented, but we had a nice chat about the different things we had received for Christmas. Brent said his Grandma asked him where his "friend" was for Christmas. Could she know or suspect what kind of friend I am to Brent? Intriguing! What I really want for Christmas next year is to be able to share in each other's family celebrations together. This phone thing on such a wonderful holiday just doesn't cut it anymore.
I was a bit daring with the video I rented. It was a full-on chick flick (it has not one, but two weddings even!) called "The Other Sister". It is the coming of age story of a mentally disabled young lady named Carla. Her wealthy family means well for her when she wants to move out and have her own apartment, but the idea is hard on her overprotective mother. It's even more difficult for her Mom to let go when Carla finds a boyfriend like her, and eventually becomes engaged. In a side-story, the embattled mother also has to deal with one of her other daughter's lesbianism.
I picked the movie because I knew my Mom would enjoy it. It's a well-made and both funny and poignant. But it also had a fairly overt message about well-meaning but overprotective mothers who need to let go of their children or risk smothering them and stumping their ability to grow into adulthood. I was happy Mom didn't seem insulted or attacked by the movie, but I was disappointed that she didn't give any indication of having taken away a positive message about healthy parent/adult child relationships.
I'm still getting over a nasty little cold. Grrrrr! It needs to be gone by Friday when I'm supposed to be going on a ski trip to Tahoe with my brother and a lot of friends from the ski program. Stopped up ears don't feel good running up and down the ski slopes.
Tonight I'm going to go over to Brent's house for the night. It will be nice to spend some time with him after all the family stuff. I love Christmas and all, but I've missed Brent a lot over the last week. I'm glad we had plenty of time together during our Seattle trip the week before. If not, the holiday apart might have been unbearable.
It sure seems warm and humid in Monterey today. It always feels like that when I get home from the mountains. I had a good ski trip with my friends and my brother, but I'm wasted today. Just plain tired. I'm not sure what that bodes for the New Year's Eve festiviities this year.
Brent will be coming over to my appartment in a few hours. I'm trying to get us a dinner reservation to celebrate our aniversary. We met between Christmas and New Year's and had our first date in the first few days of January that year. So, we picked New Year's Eve to be our anniversary date, since the whole world could celebrate with us!
After dinner, there is a party with all of my racing buddies at Stuart's house. We'll go over there for a while, and prolly stay for the midnight toast before we leave. I just hope I get some energy back before then. I don't want to be the party pooper.
New Year's Day has been fun for me the past two years because of an autocross (timed car race) I've entered in. This year, rain is predicted for tomorrow which will make the race much less fun. I might skip it and sleep in. Having to be alert and ready to race at 8:00 a.m. on January 1st at least makes me behave myself better on New Year's Eve. This year, perhaps just being tired from skiing will do the job.
Thursday, December 20th 2001
Saturday, December 22nd 2001
Tuesday, December 25th 2001
Wednesday, December 26th 2001
Monday, December 31st 2001