Free Web Hosting Provider - Web Hosting - E-commerce - High Speed Internet - Free Web Page
Search the Web


Home Back Pages Illustrations Author Interview Netshow Links

February, 1999


Friday , February 5, 1999
I couldn't believe it when I wrote "1999" as the date. It sounds so much like the future. I suppose getting paid to spend a large portion of my day working on a computer is kind of futuristic, but as a child I saw myself flying Eagles to Moonbase Alpha for a living in this year. It just doesn't feel like the future yet. But, looking at the date, I am undenyably living in the future now. Wierd. One can only wonder how I'll feel after New Year's next year.

Here in lovely Monterey California it is our big PGA golf weekend. All the touring pros join up with celebrities and wealthy old guys to play in the Bing Crosby National Pro-Am at Pebble Beach this weekend. They call it the AT&T Pro-Am now, but I'll call it by it's sponsor's name the same day I start calling Candlestick Park by it's commercial name - 3-Com Staduim. Don't hold your breath. In any event, there's a lot of rich and famous people here to play golf this weekend.

You want me to drop names, don't you. OK.

  1. Joe Pecci
  2. Clint Eastwood
  3. Jack Lemmon
  4. Craig T. Nelson
  5. Bill Murray
  6. Glenn Campbell
  7. Roger Penske
  8. Don Johnson
  9. Mark Grace
  10. Micheal Bolton
  11. Peter Ueberroth
  12. Orel Hershiser
  13. Jimmy Connors
  14. Samuel L. Jackson
  15. Chris 0'Donnell (Yum!)
  16. Kevin Costner
  17. Glen Frey
  18. Ken Griffey Jr.
  19. Scott Wolf (Yum again!)
  20. Alice Cooper
  21. Tommy Smothers
  22. Bryant Gumbel
  23. Jason Bateman (How much Yum! can one boy take at a golf match?)
Where will I be for all of this? Well, I've been going to this tournement off and on since I was in Jr. High. This year will be an off year for me. Didn't find any free tickets and its something I've never actually paid for. I can't imagine paying now. I'll be guiding a ski tour up in Lake Tahoe this weekend. (Yet another ticket I don't have to pay for!).

Friday , February 12, 1999

I had an interesting discussion with my boyfriend this week. It was the old classic 'where is this relationship going?' discussion. Although it was a warm and meaningful conversation, I don't think I aquited myself very well. I don't know where our relationship is going and I simply wasn't prepared to give a good, sensible answer.

We've been dating for three years. We really enjoy spending a lot of time together - perhaps three or four nights per week - but, we don't live together. We don't date other people on the side. We haven't pledged our lives to each other. We say 'I love you' and mean it.

Brent is almost ready to decide that I'm THE ONE and he'd like to start planning the rest of our lives together. He inherited a house at 21 and is thinking of buying a new house for us both to live in, and renting his old house out. Of course I'd help with mortgage payments and household chores, but I don't have the kind of income or assets that he has. I suppose lots of couples have disparate income and get along just fine. Not everything has to be 50/50. Its just, I'd feel weird if it weren't 50/50. I don't want to be subsidized. All that, however, is minor. The real reason I don't feel like I came across as a good person in our conversation about all this is I am not yet ready to commit for life.

Brent is a wonderful guy. We get along almost too well - a few disagreements,but never an argument or a fight. We share musical taste as well as favoriteTV shows and kinds of movies and books. He doesn't share my passion for motorsports or the outdoors, but doesn't mind them either. I've never been as excited by art and home improvement projects as he is, but I think his hobbies are useful and respect them. I'm sure we could make a happy life together.

The trouble is I'm not ready to commit like that. Not to Brent, nor to anyone. I spent so much of my life as single that I'm still surprised to hear my name with a plural personal pronoun (e.g. Rob! Come to our party - you two will have a great time.) But more than that just admitting to myself that I'm grown up enough to take the plunge scares the bejeezus out of me. Yes, thats it! Its just like taking a plunge off a high diving board. I'm just plain scared at the idea of making such a long-term decision. I'm not afraid of committing to Brent. I'm afraid - panicked! - by the idea of making a commitment FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!

I feel pretty shabby about not being able to do it. Brent would be a great person to spend my life with. I may never find another person so agreeable. I wonder if I should see a counselor about this. How do people know when the time is right? With the divorce rate over 50% maybe they simply don't know and get married anyway. This is entirely new territory for me and I don't know what to do. It hurts me to have to tell Brent I'm not ready to commit to him. It feels like I'm slapping him down even though the problem is within me, not Brent.

At the end of our conversation we agreed to date another year or two and see if we were ready to make long range plans together then. The pressure is off and I can go on living my life as a single guy in a monogamous relationship with his boyfriend. I can only hope that I get hit over the head with some maturity before I'm faced with this decision again. Its not fair that I keep him waiting forever.

Monday , February 22, 1999

I had about two hours free this afternoon and used them to surpass a milestone in my training as a mountaineer. Of course I've been spending a lot of time in the mountains trying out my clothing, working on my video technique in high glare snow, and hiking steep hills with a heavy load. But there's more to my preparation to climb mountains than gear and conditioning. I've got to bring a lot of knowledge and skills to my first climb too.

Today I cracked open my mountaineering text book, brought out some rope and a carabiner, and learned to tie some basic moutaineering knots. After I had managed to attach a rope to a bar overhead using a bowline knot, I was rather pleased with my good fortune. When I had tied a prusik to the rope and actually used it to support my weight, I felt that an important milestone had been achieved.

A prusik is a clever knot which makes a small loop around another rope. This is clever because the loop can slide up and down the rope when there is no weight on it, but clamps down firmly and will not slide when tension is placed on the loop. You can use a prusik to literally climb a vertical rope by stepping into the loop of one, while sliding the next up a little higher, then exchanging your weight and repeating the process.

Most of the great early Alpine climbs were done this way. Nowdays, there are mechanical racheting devices which slide only one way up a rope and are used with a harness to climb, but the prusik is still a venerable method and an essential skill to have in emergencies. By learning to tie this important knot today I put myself that much closer to safely achieving a high peak someday.